Having healthy boundaries may mean disappointing someone else in order to honor yourself.
If people jump in to do things for me when I haven’t asked them to, it makes me feel inadequate and often angry.
When I say “yes” to doing something for someone when I wanted to say “no,” I feel resentful.
My compulsive need to please and not disappoint others is so strong that I often ignore my own boundaries.
In fact, I’ve recently discovered I don’t even know what my boundaries are! Like most women, I’ve been trained to be the “good” girl.
Setting boundaries with others makes me feel like the “mean” girl who no one will like.
My need to belong is so strong that not being liked seems totally unacceptable.
Until a recent light-bulb moment when I realized I don’t want to go through life feeling inadequate, angry, and resentful any more.
So, I’ve made a commitment to disappoint others to make myself happy.
What?? It’s okay for me to be happy even if someone else isn’t? Boy, does that feel foreign.
What helps me move through the discomfort is to know that when I set and keep healthy boundaries for myself, I will more easily do that for others.
Here’s how Terri Cole describes healthy boundaries in her book, Boundary Boss:
“If you have healthy boundaries, you
* value your own thoughts and opinions,
* feel comfortable asking for or accepting help,
* know when to share personal information and with whom,
* can accept and respect the boundaries of others, including someone saying no to a request.”
Consider these questions:
What do you need to say “no” to today in order to say “yes” to you?
Are you willing to disappoint someone to honor yourself?
Your boundary need not be an angry electric fence that shocks those who touch it. It can be a consistent light around you that announces, “I will be treated sacredly.”
You deserve to be treated sacredly, my friend.