Finding peace even when things aren’t going your way.
Human minds are wired to scan for what’s wrong, especially when it comes to our loved ones.
We criticize, correct, and attempt to control them.
We’re quick to point out what’s not working.
We think it’s because we love them and want them to be better.
And, the better way is always doing it the way that we think is best.
If they would just get with the program, everything would be sunshine and roses, right?
Yikes! I recently discovered this couldn’t be more wrong.
Last week I found myself stuck in a cycle of suffering (angry, disappointed, hurt) because I was so entrenched in believing that the only way a relationship with a loved one could improve was if they met my expectations of what the relationship should be – BY DOING IT MY WAY!
Because, after all, my way is the right way.
The result? I was experiencing soooo much conflict, resistance, and frustration.
After several days of wallowing, I had a light bulb moment when I realized that I was creating the suffering by trying to force things to be the way I thought they should be.
Once again an opportunity to see that suffering is optional.
A reminder that while I cannot control what happens around me, I can control what happens within me.
It is always such a humbling and eye-opening experience to realize that I have the power within me to release the suffering (resistance) and shift my reality by shifting the vibe that I am putting out there.
So, I began practicing a powerful tool I teach my clients called GRATITUDE POINTS.
Here’s how it works:
•Every day for the next 7 days, write down 3 gratitude points about _______ (the person you are having issues with). Each day find new ones. It can be any little thing about them that you can find to be grateful for. Write them down.
•Now re-read what you wrote. As you continue to think about the gratitude points, close your eyes and feel the emotions and sensations in your body for a few moments. Now feel it in your heart as deeply as you can. Feel the energy of gratitude.
•The energy expands more efficiently and effectively when we move it from our head (thoughts) to our heart (feelings/emotions.)
•Finally, journal about any changes in your thoughts, feelings, or actions towards that person.
Within a few days my irritation and aggravation dissipated and miraculously so did the conflict between us.
I didn’t change them, I changed me.
I hope, like me, you’ll be amazed at the effects this exercise has on the quality of your connections with others AND on your ability to reduce suffering and find happiness and peace – even when things aren’t going your way.